I'm Still Into You

Of all the good things in my life...all the things I dreamed that I wanted as a little girl, all the things I hoped that I would have in my adult life, all of the relationships that I have made, all the things I've done, places I've been, people I've met - (boyfriends I've had ;) )...YOU ARE my favorite.

I never could have dreamt up the life that we would have together.  Saying that, you know that I don't say it in a "dreamy, fairytale, picturesque...everything is always perfect" kind of way...but in a way that is representative of this beautiful, raw, imperfect life that we have made together.  You are my best friend and will always be my best friend...

Look at this amazing life together that we have been given.  I could not be more completely in love with one person.  

There have been countless moments where we have hurt one another...times where we felt as though we might not make it - I have never - for one moment - stopped loving you and I know that you have never stopped loving me.  In those moments...I hold on to the truth of how crazy in love with you that I am...

Marrying you, I knew that our big God was going to have big things in store for us.  

I knew that marrying you would be one of the best decisions that I ever made.

I didn't expect some of the challenges...but those challenges have made us better people.  I knew that marrying you, would make me a better person.

I knew that marrying you, I would have someone to hold me and help me when life would get tough...and life has gotten tough for both of us...

 
I knew that by marrying you, I would be investing wisely in the lives of my future children...giving them an earthly father that would love them beyond compare...




I love the way you love your boys.  I knew that you would be so in love with them...

I had imagined that one day, I would love watching you play with our children...but I never dreamed it would be this beautiful...

I had no idea how beautifully imperfect our lives would be...but it is the best life I could ever imagine this side of Heaven.  You give me a reason to be so thankful every morning when I wake up beside you.  I would marry you ten times over.  

Today we have been married for 8 years.  I still get butterflies looking across the room at you.  I love your passion for life and I love to watch you do things that you're passionate about - I am so proud to call you my husband.   Sometimes at night when I remember to pray, I am brought to tears with the amount of love that I have for you.  I think you are the sexiest man alive and I fall in love with you more every day.  These have been the best 8 years of my life.  


After all this time, I'm still into you...

Can't count the years on one hand

That we've been together

I need the other one to hold you

Make you feel, make you feel better

It's not a walk in the park

To love each other

But when our fingers interlock,

Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it

'Cause after all this time I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies

But I'm into you (I'm into you)

And baby even on our worst nights

I'm into you (I'm into you)

Let 'em wonder how we got this far

'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all

Yeah, after all this time I'm still into you

Being grateful for my unmanageable life...

Today, I am grateful...very grateful.

I noticed today that it has been close to two years since my last blog entry...somewhat telling of my life the past two years.  Jobs have come and gone, my then 6 month old is now almost two and a half and I have another beautiful boy who will be six months in January.  We have suffered great losses and thankfully dodged other great losses.  We have moved since then to a different city with a different church, and will be moving again over Christmas into our first home.  Life is flying by.  At times, I have been treading water, doing all I can to avoid sinking.  

I am grateful for the place and spirit that God has brought me to today - the conviction to just BE GRATEFUL.  I am grateful for my upbringing, grateful for my parents, grateful for the 23 years I had with my brother, the 30 years that I had with my father, grateful for the lives of  my mother and siblings and the precious time I get to spend with them.  I am grateful for my family of origin.

I am grateful for the two years that I had the opportunity to serve over seas, grateful for the freedom that I have in knowing my faith will always be with me, grateful for experiencing the freedom that comes with being a sinner saved by grace, grateful for a God who knows my brokenness and never leaves me when I am deep in it.  I am grateful for my Jesus and the way He loves me.

I am grateful for my husband, grateful that he loves his family passionately, grateful for the opportunity to travel the world with him, grateful for our commitment when things get rough, grateful for my eight plus years with him - including the ups and downs, grateful that each day - I am able to love him more and more, grateful that for the moment - we are both healthy, grateful to be a parent with him.  I am grateful for my husband.

I am especially grateful today for my children. I am beyond words with gratitude and love that I have for both of them.  I was reminded today of the precious and miraculous gift of my boys' lives.  Grateful for the gift of being able to conceive, two beautiful pregnancies, quick and *for the most part* painless and complication-free births, quick recovery, and two amazingly - beautiful, healthy and happy baby boys.  THIS. IS. A. GIFT.  And it brings me to tears whenever I stop to think about how beautifully Divine it is...I don't do that enough.

I am grateful for the opportunity to work.  I have worked hard to achieve what I have.  I have waited a long time to do what I have the opportunity to do now.  I am grateful that I have an office with three amazingly beautiful - inside and out - women.  I am grateful that I found a workplace where healing is alive and active every day, a job where I get to shed tears with clients who have suffered heavy, hard lives - these tears are healing and necessary to move on in our lives - to do the hard work and learn to love ourselves and trust in our Higher Power.  I am grateful for The Bridge and the inexplicable healing it fosters through the hands of a Divine Healer - I cannot believe I get to work there.  I am grateful to be a new Alumni of The Bridge.  I am grateful to be a wounded healer.

As of lately, I have convinced myself that my life has become "unmanageable" ...in some aspects it has and for those aspects of it I say, "Dear God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the power to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...just for today."  I have recently come to the realization that there are certain things in my life - circumstances - a few cruddy cards that I have been dealt - that I am POWERLESS over - as much as I try to control them, fix them, become their caretaker on a daily basis - I cannot.  What I can do is love myself more in order to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and therapist.  To learn to give these "things" up is a lesson that it has taken me 31 years to learn - but grateful that it has ONLY taken me 31 years.  The gift of insight and awareness is priceless.  What I can do is be okay in the brokenness and trust my God to provide the strength and willpower that I do not have on my own.  I am grateful to be powerless - it's out of my hands.  

Giving back shame that is not mine to carry and I am grateful that I no longer carry it.

What I can do is enjoy EVERY MOMENT of this precious life.  I have been so caught up in the "transitions" in life that I am missing the precious time that I've been given.  I have let stress, anxiety, and hypervigilence rule (and sometimes ruin) my life.  I have been trying to micromanage my time so diligently that time is slipping me by.  I will be okay with what I can do and not kill myself because of what I simply cannot.  I am a working mother and wife, with a husband and two young children.  It is the most difficult and most prized job in the world...I WORK...a helluva lot.  I will give myself some slack...and I will force *you* to give me some slack (whoever or whatever you are).  I will not feel bad, for what I cannot or choose not to do - because to put it bluntly - my family is more important to me and they will grow up knowing and feeling that.  My life may still remain an unmanageable mess - but it will be a beautiful unmanageable mess that I savor every moment of.  I will calm down and take care of myself and my family - because a healthy life is a happy life.  I will savor the moments and opportunities to serve and have fellowship in my church, simply because I love it and I see how much my two year old loves it.  I will welcome with open arms, visitors - family and friends, who wish to be a part of our lives - because YOU are VERY IMPORTANT to me.  My home will be warm and welcoming and a representation of the love that I feel every day for myself, my family, and my God - it may be a mess...but a warm and welcoming one.

"When I loved myself enough"...I learned what is important in life - loving myself well in order to love others well...and THAT *not a "great job" and certainly not money* has brought great joy to my life.  

I. AM. GRATEFUL.

Days 6 & 7!!

WHEW!  Over halfway done!  Eating will commence Wednesday night at dinner - my fast will be broken at church.  Scott is leading a new 8 week Bible Study and we always have dinner before.  Wednesday night I believe dinner will be homemade chicken pot pie!  YAY!  Bring it!  Although, I know I will need to pace myself and only eat a small portion since my body isn't used to solid food/protein/carbs/anything hot.  *lol*  But I'm SO excited!  :)

I don't have any pictures from yesterday or today.  I've been super lazy to be honest, despite the fact that I do have a lot of energy and feel pretty good (aside from being hungry ;) ).  Yesterday was pretty much the worst day ever - mentally.  We didn't really have time to make breakfast yesterday and Sunday morning is always a crazy rush to get the three of us ready.  So, for breakfast I had some leftover juice from the morning before and headed out the door with Bryan.  We get to church and there are tables set up in the lobby and fellowship hall for the 10am brunch that the church is having and we HAVE to stay for the 11am service to make an announcement.  *uuugggghhh* It was pretty tough standing and chatting with people as they ate and as everyone else around me ate - but I did it, without too much agony.  After church we headed to the apartment to pick up some food for Mr. Bryan, an extra change of clothes for him, and some "lunch & dinner" for me (& Scott if he chose to partake).  So, feeling like I was in serious need of some veg, I juiced up a TON of spinach, carrot, & apple - with like a 1/2 cup of watermelon.  It filled up my plastic jug about halfway with some green/brown nastiness.  (I actually hadn't tasted of it yet.)  Then we're on our merry way to the Grandparents' house to spend the day.  We walk in the door and I am engulfed in the sinfully delicious aroma of fried chicken.  BBBAAAHHH!!!  I looked in the kitchen and there it was, piled high on a platter in all its greasy glory...surrounded by all of its favorite sidekicks: mac n' cheese, mashed potatoes, and fluffy white biscuits.  I was so hungry I could have smacked someone.  I fled the scene as quick as possible trying to get out my nose's reach.  I ran to the garage to put my disgusting juice in the fridge - opened the door there only to be greeted by my old friends 2% milk and Dr. Pepper (I would have drank them both simultaneously at that point).  I then avoided the kitchen by way of the formal dining room and then into the tv room. I headed straight to the couch where I wanted to bury myself so far that I couldn't see where I was, in hopes that I would forget the chicken in the next room that was calling my name.  Anyway, I took about a 2 hour nap while everyone else ate.  After my nap I went into the kitchen where everything had been cleared *thankfully* and the chicken smell had cleared. :)  However, it's always tough at the in-laws' because you can guarantee that there is ALWAYS some sort of chocolate, dessert, or coke.  We stayed there until church that night at 6pm and I amazingly avoided ALL of the above!!!  One million points: ME.

Today's been easier, without all of the temptation around...but I am certainly still hungry.  PRAISE GOD that I am DONE on Wednesday at dinnertime!  WOOOHOO!  Today I've only eaten fruit though...I just can't bring myself to drink any more vegetables.  BLECH!!  I would much rather EAT veggies than drink them...I will GLADLY eat my vegetables now!

HALFWAY!!!!!!!

WOOT WOOT!!! :)  I am SO happy to remind everyone that we are HALFWAY through this 10 day juice fast!  Today, I unfortunately don't have any pictures...I guess I've been kind of lazy today.  Actually, other than breakfast that Scott juiced for me in a hurry so I could take it to work with me, I haven't juiced anything today.  Yep.  I had another small bowl of fruit at work today.  I came home pretty hungry but just wasn't feeling up to juicing.  I don't feel bad physically, I'm just tired of juicing...or I needed a break.

Breakfast was pretty good - but a nasty radioactive green/yellow color: Kiwis, Mango, Blueberries, and Apples.  After work I decided to go by Kroger and stock up a bit on some things that I was running out of.  I also, taking some advice from Shea, decided to buy a half gallon of Chocolate Almond Milk.  It's still super-low calorie and made from almost all natural ingredients and it provided some AMAZING relief from the mundane juice flavor/texture.  I also picked up a 64oz jug of V8...never thought I'd say that.  However, after drinking some of my cucumber or beet concoctions, it was a pleasant and much welcomed tomato-y taste.  :)

That's all I've had today though...I know I should be consuming more but I'm just tired of drinking stuff. Scott just made me some hot raspberry tea, but it's a welcome change too.  Going to Kroger twice today was kind of tough, and for those of you non-Owensborinians(ites?) Kroger is right next to Five Guys...ugggghhhh.  The smell KILLS me.  I want a cheeseburger so bad.  We even watched "Food Inc." yesterday and I STILL want a cheeseburger. haha

Well, time to watch some "Guy vs. Rachel"....not sure why I'm doing this to myself.  They're doing a fried chicken cook-off.  Bbbaaaaahhhh!!

Goal for tomorrow - more juice!  Less whining.

Day 4

It's the end of day 4.  It's 8:40pm and the day has been pretty good overall.  My throat is hurting pretty bad today...I read on another blog that a sore throat is one of the symptoms of detox.  My energy was pretty good today though.  I'm staying kind of hungry, after a chat w/ my brother we figured that I'm probably not juicing enough.  Tomorrow I'll juice more, but I'm getting pretty tired of the frothiness of the juice and the taste of veggies in juice form *blech*.  BUT, I feel good about sticking to it and about actually consuming said veggie juice, I consider that quite an accomplishment.  I would kill for a coke right about now...and a brownie with vanilla ice cream...or a Chik-fil-A sandwich....................

I always daydream about food when I'm typing.  Anyway, here's what the day looked like:

 For breakfast, Scott made us a yummy smoothie with bananas, strawberries, and a little apple juice to thin it out. Yum!  What an amazing husband I have...he drinks breakfast and dinner with me.  :)  We went to a student gathering at KWC tonight where they always provide dinner and dessert, he even passed on an AMAZING smelling meal with me!  :)  A good guy.

Lunch was not so amazing.  An apple, carrots, spinach, and cucumber.  If you don't like cucumbers to begin with, don't juice with them!  See all that bright green froth on top of my juice - pulpy, cucumber flavored froth. SO GROSS.  I tried a few gulps then had to spoon it off the top.  I'm getting to where I can't really stomach my drinks with veggies in them...they get to me quickly.

 SO, although I wasn't a fan of the cucumber-y, spinach-y lunch...guess who was!

Bryan LOVED it!  So funny!  I put a little bit of the froth on the tip of my finger for him to taste and he immediately started reaching, mouth wide open.  Adorable.  What a great role model for his Mommy.  He motivated me to drink a bit more of it. (What you don't see is my apple-juice chaser on the coffee table...it's my go-to chaser of choice.  haha)

Well, I'm tired...and hungry...tomorrow is halfway!  WOOHOO!  :)

Day 3 - Yams & Pineapple, hooray!

It's Day 3 of my 10 day juice fast.  I'm still feelin' pretty okay aside from the occasional fast food/snacky craving.  I had to go to Kroger's for work today...so that was kind of annoying, but as I walked out the door with my bags in hand I was hit square in the nostrils with the sinful aroma of Five Guys right next door.  THEN, I get back to work and hop out of the car only to be greeted by the most amazing pizza smell.  Ugh.  :(  I would love a giant slice of pizza...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............................

Okay, refocus.  So breakfast this morning was yummy. Two oranges, 1 apple, 1 lime, and a handful of red & white grapes.  I have to confess, at work today I had some fruit - however, it was completely etiquette based!  The lady I work for couldn't stand to have me sit there and watch her eat her soup and fruit, so I told her it would be okay if I had a little fruit with her.  I didn't consider this cheating...I only had fresh fruit...just not in juice form.  I have resisted every other temptation so I'm pretty proud (and surprised by) of myself so far.

I decided to be a little adventurous for lunch.  Two tomatoes, 1/2 a jalapeño, a handful of spinach, some garlic salt, and a few drops of Tobasco.  Okay for the first few drinks, but it got old after a while and desperately needed something to cover up the taste afterwards.

 So, in order to cover up the tomato/garlic-y taste I took a leftover glass of the berry blend I made for breakfast yesterday morning, threw it in a saucepan and heated it up.  It made for quite a nice change.  It was just good to eat/drink something hot.  A hot berry soup...not bad, just too tart to finish it all.  It did the trick though...I think it could have been much better if it had had some pineapple or apple in it to cut some of the tartness.

         

As I ate my warm berry soup, this little guy was happy as a clam sitting on the floor playing, talking to himself, and bouncing up and down to the music in the background.  Was hoping to catch a glimpse of his two little teeth in the pic, but he was too quick.  :)  

I wasn't too excited about dinner to be honest.  The juicing is kind of a task, but figuring out what to juice...hoping to get the right flavor combo so my dinner won't suck...that's kind of tough.  I wasn't feeling very excited about having more juiced veggies either, but I've been seeing this recipe online and it intrigued me, so Scott juiced it up for me.  :)

4 oranges

1 pineapple

1 yam

DELICIOUS! (As far as juiced fruits & veggies go)  It was a much needed break after like 3 green drinks that I've had the past couple of days.  The pineapple and yam make a pretty palatable flavor combo and the yam give the juice a nice thick but not too thick consistency, PLUS I noticed it was virtually pulp free which was nice...now, I just need to figure out a way to get rid of that stupid froth that accumulates on top...I guess I could spoon it off...but I'd feel like I was throwing away the healthy part...because the juice itself isn't....healthy....enough????  Yep.  I think I just won that argument with myself.

It's about 8:30pm now and I would still kill for a Five Guys little cheeseburger, Taco Bell soft taco with no lettuce and mild sauce, or even the stupid Cheez-its that are still haunting me from the pantry.  I'm hungry for food that is greasy and tastes good.  I am hungry...as I'm sitting here typing this my stomach is growling, but I don't want to drink anything else today.  I want those freakin' Cheez-its.  *lol*  Oh well.  Tomorrow is Day 4 and I am anticipating a little discomfort...mentally and physically...I feel like I'm kind of sitting here waiting for the detox to kick in and wreak its havoc.  We'll see...for now I'm going to attempt to distract myself with either some Hulu or Netflix.

Day 2

Well, day two is coming to a close.  It's honestly been fine except for desperately wanting to pull something from my pantry to eat.  Here's what breakfast looked like this morning:

A Berry Blend for clear skin!  Loaded with antioxidants.  Pretty yummy...but it was blended and not juiced.  This method led to a thick, more smoothie consistency and lots of seeds to chew on.  It took me most of the morning to finish it.

Lunch today was tolerable but still not my favorite.  Today's lunch recipe was: 1 carrot, 1 apple, 1 orange, 1 yam,  a hand full of spinach, and a tiny bit of ginger root.  I think I'm having a tough time with the texture of the yams.  We'll see, maybe it'll grow on me.

Dinner: Mango, Watermelon, Kiwi, Grapes, Lemon, Cucumber, & Carrots

A full day of juice...doing ok, but hungry.  It helped a LOAD talking with my brother this evening.  There were several times where even the Cheez-its in the pantry just kept calling my name...but I resisted. We'll see how tomorrow goes!

JUST SAY NO TO BEETS!

DAY 1.


Well, the garbage disposal was fixed long enough for me to make our "dinner" last night.  So, our dinner consisted of:
1 yam
1 carrot
2 tomatoes
1 bunch spinach
2 pears
and...
1/2 a beet...

What in the world possessed me to put that beet in there (or even buy the beets to begin with)...I have no idea.  I KNEW better!  I knew that beets taste like dirt, so I don't know what took over my brain for those moments that led to my "beet amnesia" but it totally ruined any chance of my veggie dinner being palatable.  Here's what it looked like:

 Pretty colors...fun, vibrant, excited about what I eat being healthy and colorful...as it should be...

Looks are deceiving.  Here's me not really being excited, but grossed out rather, by the dirt -in deceitful pretty juice form- that I'm about to choke down.

It was terrible.  However, nose plugged and apple juice chaser in the left hand I managed to choke down half of it.  Well, I certainly learned my lesson.  Last night was a rough start to this 10 day fast, but now I figure if I can get down just about anything - as long as it doesn't have a beet in it.  The bag of beets is now at the top of my trash can.  Good riddance!

Last night was pretty difficult, more mentally than anything.  You really take notice of how much food is on your mind when you can't eat it.  A pretty big eye-opener was that every thought of food that I had, was fried, covered in grease, or full of sugar.  Taco Bell was calling our names last night after we'd had our "dinner."  Scott and I used to make late-night Taco Bell runs when we were in college (undergrad and grad school)...it's kind of been our thing since we started dating. *lol*  Mmmmm..Taco Bell.  The fact that it's 9am and I am "mmmmming" at the thought of Taco Bell...yikes.  Wake-up call!  No wonder people think I'm pregnant.  Now, honestly, I'm really not THAT unhealthy of an eater.  I drink cokes (but not excessively, usually no more than one a day recently), I do love chocolate...usually in cake, brownie, or ice cream form - but it's not like I stuff my face with these things.  I probably have a bigger serving than I should when I do have them.  Here's my problem(s) - I don't eat enough fruits, veggies, & whole grains and I don't exercise enough.  Isn't that about 75% of America's problem?  Ugh.  I loved living in Poland because I was healthy.  Walked a million miles a day (more like 5 or so), drank lots of water & fewer cokes, and just ate healthier.  Well, one thing was that we ate our bigger meal at lunchtime and a smaller something at dinnertime.  Anyway, I miss that lifestyle...I miss that body.  I am hoping this fast will increase my awareness of how much I need these healthier foods and smaller portions of everything else.  Though I do think it's ok to indulge in the things that we love, but in moderation.  Like any good gift that God gives, if we take advantage of it, let it become our idol, it can ruin us.  If I let the food that I eat or the immediate self-gratification I get from eating it take over, it will undoubtedly lead to a life dependent on pills, laziness, and shorter life which will deprive my family of time with me.  I want to be around as long and be as active as I can for my children, husband, family...I know I can't determine my life span, but I can take care of the body that God has given to me and do my part to keep myself around longer.

Anyway, guess I should go do something productive.  Maybe work out a bit.  Just finished a much more delectable berry medley breakfast (good for clear skin & antioxidants).  Chewing a bit more than drinking...b/c I blended it and berries are full of seeds...so thick & full of texture, but tasty and WAY more tolerable than the dreaded beet juice.  Never again.

Said Juicing Hath Commenced...

Day 1. Well, I sort of count today...more this evening.  The lady I worked for took me out to eat lunch at the Olive Garden, but...I did keep my lunch at a veggie soup, salad, and one breadstick.  So, that was at noon...it's 6:52pm now and I'm starving.  I just went to the good 'ole Kroger and bought a boat load of fresh fruits and veggies - yams included, as my friend Kat had suggested.  So...I came home, fruit and veg in hand to be greeted by a backed-up garbage disposal so a sink that won't work (bathroom or kitchen).  Luckily, we have a wonderful maintenance crew here at KWC so the on-call worker hopped on over after we so rudely interrupted his family time :(, but he's in here now graciously trying his best to clean up the mess.

I'm a little nervous about what my dinner might look like...because it needs to be mostly veggies...and I HATE veggies.  :(  However, I have accountability with my bro who is doing this with me and my amazing husband has decided that he is going to do juice breakfasts and dinners with me.  :)

OH!!  SUCCESS!  Disposal is cleared...let's get this show on the road!  Stay tuned....

And she juiced...

Well friends, I have decided that a "Mommy Reboot" is WAY overdue.  With the help of some random strangers who have inspired me to pay some serious attention to my weight, I have decided to take action.  For the last time...I ALREADY "know what [I'm] having:", because I HAD him 6 MONTHS AGO.  ;)  I recently watched the documentary, "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead" by Joe Cross and he also inspired me to do a 10 day juice fast.  SO, THIS MONDAY said juice fast will commence.  I am fasting along with my big brother. I have talked him into doing this with me for accountability and bonding.  haha

SO, I have been collecting recipes, fruit, and veggies to give a few a try so I can start off knowing at least what I love, like, and what I can stomach if I hold my nose.  The juice is supposed to be 80/20 (veggies/fruit)....eeeeeekkk...I AM NOT a veggie girl.  This could be brutal.  I'll do my best.

Anyway, I tried out my first recipe today, thanks to my dear friend Katrina.  She did the fast for 5 days and put some pretty good recipes on her blog.  So, here is my first attempt at juicing: Apple Pie Juice

YUMMMM-O!  Definitely didn't taste the carrot at all, the cinnamon & nutmeg made it SUPER yummy. One thing I'm going to have to try and get over with the whole juicing thing, is the big pile 'o froth that accumulates on the top.  Well, I drank the whole glass.  Here's to a start.

Christmas 2011

Life has changed dramatically since November 2010, as you can clearly see.  I'm sure this is not what I had envisioned life being like as the big 3-0 is quickly creeping up on me...not so much in a bad way, but different, sometimes stressful, and sometimes frustrating.

Pure JOY entered our world and our lives on July 7, 2011 at 5:04 in the morning in the form of a 9 lb, 21 inch bouncing baby boy (literally, the kid LOVED - and still loves to bounce).  He is perfect...and a perfect testament to how much we are loved by our Father - for Him to give us this precious, undeserved gift that is our Bryan.  He makes us cry with joy, makes us smile, makes us laugh, and makes us proud.  Only occasionally does he make us nervous. :)  When we got married, we wondered how much our lives would change - it really didn't...we just got to spend a lot more time together and learned how to live with one another.  Parenthood is a game changer.  Our lives FEEL different now, older - not so much the wiser - but a little more seasoned.  Having another life depend on you 100% puts your priorities in check, forces you to grow up - real fast, makes you a lot less selfish, and drains your bank account - real fast.  However, all of these small things seem so minuscule in comparison to the amount of joy I receive when my little babe smiles his "mouth wide open" smile and squeals in delight at whatever silly dance me or Scott choose to entertain him with.  My heart melts when he reaches for my face or burrows himself deep into my chest until he falls asleep.  What an amazing, indescribable love.  How deep the Father's love for me.

So, this little bundle of joy is currently almost 6 months old, sitting up and playing on his own, trying his darndest to crawl, dancing (or bouncing) to music, eating solid foods, sipping from a cup, and developing LOADS of personality by the minute.  He's a stocky 22 lb quarterback now too, broad shoulders, strong legs, marshmallow arms.  (Just don't tell his grandmother's - they've vowed "no football!")  He goes to the Dr. for his 6 month on the 17th - and will soon get another Echocardiogram on his heart to see if the "echo/shadow" has closed up or if it will need closer attention.  We're confident this little guy is just fine though. :)

Moving away from Wheaton may have been the most difficult thing we've ever (or I've ever - I'll speak for myself) had to do.  Not that I don't love home, being close to relatives and good friends...but Wheaton was a life-changing experience for me, for Scott, and for our marriage.  The Lord was VERY intentional about sending us to Wheaton, so it was scary to move away from that solid support system that knew ALL of the ins and outs/good and bad in our lives.  However, God called Scott back here, to 'the Boro, and well...here we are - trying to remain faithful and do what we feel is best.  It's been a big adjustment, but our saving grace has been our family and friends here.  If it wasn't for them, I'd high-tail it back to Wheaton in a heartbeat.  A lot of my bitterness is strictly with the State of KY.  I currently hate it...LOATHE it...more specifically the KY Board of LPCCs...you have ALL heard about this GIANT, frustrating pain in my rear...so I'll spare you...mostly because it just pisses me off to think about it when I don't absolutely have to.

In other news: Moving in has gone quite well, things are starting to come together at Casa de Newman.  It's slowly beginning to feel home-ish.  It's in a SUPER convenient spot so praise God for that!

A mommy update: Post-pregnancy SUCKS.  My body has aged about 10 years and with 30 coming quickly, I can't afford that!  I am kicking my butt into gear.  I am 6 months post pregnancy and STILL in maternity clothes because I REFUSE to buy the size that I am scared I would fit into currently.  The next person to assume that I am pregnant or ask how far along I am gets a swift kick in their teeth.  NEVER....NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER, ASSUME that someone is pregnant and comment on it.  We all know what ASSUMING does.  I have started a crunch regimen in the morning (about 4 days strong now) to get my abs back to where they should be...currently they're still in Poland, and we know how long it takes things to travel overseas.  ;)  My goal is to drop at least 30 (preferably 40lbs) by April 3rd.  Today is officially Day 1.  According to my Wii, I am teetering dangerously close to the top of the "overweight" line.  My body feels terrible, not sure if it's due to my weight or due to the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm inheriting my Mom's Fibromyalsia - UGH.  Another reason for desperately needing to become more active.  SO, here's somewhat of a plan:

At least 30 min of cardio every day
My morning crunch routine
Drinking at least 2 14oz glasses of water a day (baby steps here)
Cutting back my coke intake significantly (maybe 3 or 4 a week...currently, it's daily)
Eating more veggies and less sugar
Blogging about my progress
Unofficially joining Weight Watchers w/ my sibs
Keeping up with my "SparkPeople" account

One of my first steps is to watch the documentary "Fat, Sick, and Almost Dead" (read about it on Pintrest by a girl who did a 60 day veggie/fruit juice cleanse) YIKES, probably won't go that far...but maybe it'll give me some motivation.

Also going to try and start taking more pictures, doing more creative things, enjoying my family (immediate/extended/& in-laws) more, praying more, and playing with the babe as much as possible.

Szczesliwego Nowego Roku everyone!  

Bun In The Oven!!

Get your free online pregnancy calendar from WhatToExpect.com

I SHOULD be reading...

but obviously I'm not. ;) I do have several things that I should be doing actually...reading three chapters in Nichols "The Lost Art of Listening," a chapter in Hill's "Helping Skills," a chapter in my Ethics book, and about 5 chapters in about three of my Cognitive Behavioral books...plus I have 5 research articles to critique, one to prepare a presentation for, a research proposal of my own to think up, an Ethics paper to start on, or a test in Research Design to study for....what shall I do? Blog. Listing those was mostly for my benefit so I could actually have down in front of me what all I need to accomplish. Yikes...maybe I shouldn't have, it's a bit scary to think about.

So, speaking of all things Clinical Psych related, school is going SO well! I have a FABULOUS cohort of about 29 others from literally all around the world who are each absolutely amazing, loving, brilliant people. We attend 5 classes together a week...Mondays: Ethics: Issues in Professional Practice followed by Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. On Wednesday we start with Humanistic/Experiential Psychology (my favorite), followed by grad chapel-which is always a nice break, then our Foundations Class (where we learn to integrate Psychology & Christianity), followed by Clinical Research Design. We all each lunch in class together on Wednesdays because we don't have a break. We meet in triads each week (I have two AMAZING gals that I meet with) to practice our counseling techniques on each other...and then we have to videotape and critique each other once a week...good times. Our cohort hangs out together a lot...we go sailing, have "Ethnic Birthday Parties", surprise our professors, go to concerts together...I know I say this a lot (at least to myself)...how in the world did I end up here? I mean, I know. It was obviously the hand of God - only He could get me into such an institution as this...where great minds like Billy Graham and John Piper went to school, where one of my professors taught Rob Bell in his undergrad (a funny thing because you can SO tell how Dr. Rich Butman has rubbed off on Bell with his teaching), where other professors (Dr. Jerry Root specifically) studied and got to know the great C.S. Lewis...almost all of my professors have double lives as authors and practicing clinical psychologists. It's just unreal...I am like a sponge in each class that I go to (with the exception of Clinical Research Design - no offense to the wonderful Bob Gregory)...There is such a huge desire in me to soak up every word that falls from the lips of each of my professors. There's one class in particular where my cohort sits in a circle along with four of our professors (Terri Watson, Michael Mangis, Rich Butman, and Derek McNeil) and they just talk to us and we get to listen to these great minds bounce ideas off one another about their ideas of how Psychology can integrate with Christianity. I just can't believe I go to school here. This summer I will have the opportunity to take a week-long class in Bereavement with the fantastic Dr. Butman up at Honeyrock Camp in northern Wisconsin. In November we start applying for our internships...I'm hoping to get one at Cornerstone Christian Counseling in downtown Chicago. I'm a little terrified actually...the thought of being "turned loose" on innocent people seeking counseling and healing and having them trust in me, that I have the knowledge and competency to help them find a way to heal their hearts and minds...unnerving. Though I have learned SO VERY MUCH in so little time and I know that each week I'll become more skilled as a counselor...I feel SO INCOMPETENT right now. I'm told this is the "Conscious Incompetent" stage...where I've realized exactly how incompetent I am as a therapist. I've realized that all of these years I've been an absolutely terrible listener. Terrible. My goal is to get to the "Unconscious Competent" stage where my counseling skills will just come naturally, without thinking...but that is a LOOOONNNGGG way off my friends...that I'm sure of.

It is very exciting...knowing that only a couple of years from now I will be a competent Mental Health Professional/Counselor/Psychotherapist (which sounds like a scary word). I know that there's no way in...well you know...that I'd be here if it wasn't for Divine Intervention. The Lord never fails to provide or surprise! :) So, as I've been thinking of research proposals and whatnot...we're all being encouraged to start trying to decide what types of people groups we'd be interested in working with...what "therapeutic orientation" we'd like to focus on (Psychoanalysis, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic, Group Therapy)...anyway, I've been thinking of a couple groups that I want to work with...I've always been interested in Marital Therapy. Good stuff there! :) That's a definite...pre-marital counseling/marriage counseling...all things marriage-related. :) Our professors actually encourage us to seek therapy of our own...so Scott and I will hopefully be attending marriage counseling within the near future. Especially if we ever plan on counseling couples together - it's good to be able to know how the "other chair" feels rather than just the counseling seat. :) Working with college-age women - LOVE IT! This may be my favorite group to work with. I adore this age. :) So, a new people group I've been thinking of working with - thanks to my absolutely wonderful friend Tam for helping bring this to light - I'm thinking I'd like to work with missionaries. Especially for Reentry-Adjustment issues (or Reverse Culture Shock)...going to and from the mission field can take a lot of toll on a person mentally/spiritually/physically, I know it would have been beneficial for me and Scott...so I'm actually going to a conference in November for this exact type of counseling - YAY! :) I mean, the hope is that when we're done here, we'll be competent to counsel a VERY WIDE range of issues...you name it...we can counsel you through it kinda thing...and I can very well see how all 30 of us will likely be very skilled in two years...which is exciting! I've NEVER felt like I was REALLY good at anything. I mean, I'm three years shy of 30 and I've not remotely had any kind of career or held a job longer than 2 years...so this is so exciting for me. To KNOW that I'm finally going to be good...really good...TRAINED by amazing professionals good, at something...makes my heart flutter a little. To know that I'm going to have the ability to seriously impact the people that will walk through my door...but also the responsibility of that. Whew. That's a rush.

Well, time to read some more before I hit the sack. Love and miss you all! Please pray that the Lord will give us the wisdom that we need and the ability to comprehend all of these readings they keep throwing at us. I know personally, I've never felt much like the "academic type" so it's very scary and intimidating going to class with a bunch of brainiacs and deep philosophical thinkers...that's just not me. I'm working on it though. ;)

All that to say...I am so so very blessed and I'm so glad I'm here.

Crazy Traditions...

Hey everyone! So, it's been a good and busy week so far. All of our students are officially moved in! We had our Graduate School Orientation yesterday - and let me tell you...I have never felt so good about being at an institution than the one I'm at. Absolutely everything about orientation was so incredibly encouraging. There is just a very strong spirit on this campus. I feel there is such a great balance of faith and education. I honestly have never felt so proud to be a part of a school before. Wheaton is much much more scholarly that I realized - so much so that I'm a little schocked that I was accepted...I mean my grades were decent, but these students are amazing! Anyway...classes start tomorrow and we are very excited and we've been very encouraged by older students and by our professors. So...anyway...it's just a very joyous time right now and our hearts are very full with gratitude that the Lord's allowed us to be here.

So, the thing about Wheaton - and I was attempting to explain this to my good friend Kat earlier today - it is a very different school. I feel kind of like I'm in a weird bubble. In many many different ways...specifically though for this blog entry, I just wanted to share with you all what Scott and I just witnessed. Apparently Wheaton students have a lot of "traditions" that take place each year. Particularly at the beginning of the school year and most are geared towards "welcoming" the Freshman class. Today was the "Mastadon March." They've named it the "Mastadon March" because we have a huge Mastadon on campus named Perry - his bones were found in a man-made lake in Glen Ellyn about 60 years ago and he's proudly displayed in the science building now...kind of a cool exhibit. Anyway, the Freshmen were getting ready/learning a song for their "All School Communion" tonight (another tradition) unbeknownst to them that they were about to get a BIG welcome from the upperclassmen (and apparently some faculty and staff as well). I was sitting outside the Student Rec Center when I see TONS...HUNDREDS of students pouring out of the dorms with the most ridiculous costumes on...you name it, there was one there. There just aren't words to describe what all I saw. So, I saw the costumes, but Scott actually saw what happened. The freshmen were outside and this HUGE parade of upperclassmen came marching down the walkway, led by two of Scott's bosses - one on a double decker bike pulling his 18 month old in a cart behind him, and his other boss the VP of Residence Life (or VP Student Life one) following behind in the back of an orange convertible - white suit/giant glasses - daughters dressed up in crazy costumes with him. There was also a big "mastadon" in the parade and following them were the probably at least 1500 students behind making all kinds of noise and chanting "We love Freshmen" and making all kinds of noise.

For those of you who haven't heard us rave about the food service here...it is AMAZING...AMAZING...AMAZING. Well the food service even went all out too. They had several stations set up outside and the entire school had a picnic outside. There was a line for gyros, a line for hamburgers, popcorn, sloppy joes, fresh grilled chicken breast sandwiches (which I had - YUMMM), and a line for grilled corn on the cob. The food service here makes EVERYTHING from scratch, from their bread, to their pastries, to smoking their own ham for deli meat...just unreal. Anyway, they had this parmesan butter for the grilled corn - holy cow. Just...no words. *lol*

So we had a grand time tonight! We feel like we just got a good taste of what Wheaton life is really like with students here and how involved the staff is. SO much fun.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that strange yet delightful experience with you all. Wish you could have been here to see it. Crazy. Well, I've got class tomorrow bright and early - YAY!!! So, I'm going to try to enjoy my last night of "freedom" for the next two years. :) Wish I had something exciting planned, but I think I'm too tired to really do anything. :) I'll just enjoy the peace and quiet.

An update :)

Last week was a SUPER fun week! Mom, Dad, & Shea came up to visit Thursday and stayed until Sunday. We took the Metra into the big city, took them to downtown Naperville, out to Giordano's to eat some Chicago style pizza, drove them all over Wheaton & neighboring suburbs, and had a blast! :) It was so much fun to have them up for the weekend. We think they liked it here too...we're expecting them to be frequent visitors. :)

Shelley & Kyle also stopped by for a couple of days - they came Sunday and stayed until Tuesday. It was so great to have them here - I'm really missing my girls. We went to the Harry Potter Exhibition at the Science & Industry Museum - WAY COOL :) They had TONS of props from the movie...including the Weasley's Flying Ford.


And probably the highlight of Scott's week - they took us to a White Sox game and we won!! WOOHOO! It rained off and on, but all in all we had a great time. :) And yes...Shelley and I are basically wearing fancy garbage bags that say "Sox" on them. *lol*


So yesterday was a day to get some things done. I picked up mine & Scott's books. I'm pretty pumped about it, but pretty nervous as well. Not sure what I've gotten myself into. I haven't been in school in 5 years and this time I think it's going to be a bit more demanding...from the looks of it. These are just my first semester books! Except the giant DSM - it's a basic reference book for Psychologists/Psychiatrists/Couselors...it has just about every disorder you an think of...and lots you didn't know existed in it. Anyway...classes start....um..next week? Yikes. I am excited....I am excited...I am excited...*must keep repeating*

What else is going on? Well, I'm going to buy a Wii Fit today - good times! WAY excited about that. AND I'm going to start taking Zumba classes today. I have definintely gained some weights since moving...well since moving back from Poland. I decided yesterday that something must be done. So, I'm drinking more water, I'm going to TRY to drink less Cokes *I'm super addicted*, and I'm NOT going to keep chocolate ice cream in the fridge. NOT going to do it. I really need to buy new clothes because several of mine do not fit me anymore...SO I decided I won't buy new clothes until I need to buy SMALLER sizes and not bigger ones. No new clothes for me for a while...maybe that'll be motivation. :) I know I'm not super overweight, but I was very healthy and pretty fit when we moved home and I FELT much much better. Gotta get back to that. My plan is to turn over a productive leaf today. I'll let you know how that goes! :)

Home Sweet Chicago! *Under construction*

So, I'm having trouble getting my video to post. Looks like I'm going to have to step away and come back to it later. Don't want it to get the best of me. :)

Here's a little look into our first trip into the city! We hopped on the Metra about a three minute walk from our apartment and bought a 10 ride pass to share between the two of us. Looks like we'll be going more on the weekends b/c you can get an unlimited Metra pass for only $5 for the entire weekend! Anyway, yesterday we just tried to get a good idea of how to get around and some easy places to get to...it was definitely a fun and full day! :) WHOA! I just noticed that the date says "Jun 28, 2157" That's hysterical! Fixing it would be a big hassel...so I'm just gonna leave it that way. *lol*

Downtown Wheaton

Hey everyone! So today we have had about 15 students move in *YAY!!!!!*. The final count for today should be 17, but we haven't seen them all yet. We absolutely love it! It's part of Scott's job to try and connect with the students moving in...let them know he's their new GRA, get some paperwork from them, etc. Today was a RIDICULOUSLY hot day so we decided to make some yummy strawberry lemonade *recipe courtesy of Kell* and walk it around our buildings as students and their parents unloaded their things. I also made muffins and Scott and I will be delivering them tonight once he gets back from a meeting. :)

Last week, Scott and I took an evening to walk to downtown Wheaton. These are some of the pics that I got on the way. Here we're on the Prairie Path *one of the longest bike trails in the country - goes right through downtown Wheaton*. The second picture is a miniature golf course that is part of the apartment complex in the pictures.




The Metra runs right along downtown.

And here is the main Metra station in Wheaton. There's another one right across from our apartment, but this is the main station.

Tates Homemade Ice Cream - yummm-o! Wheaton is full of little specialty shops like this in the downtown area.

The popcorn guy sells freshly popped popcorn in this alley for I think 75 cents a bag. You can also buy candy by the piece in his alley. :) It really is an alley, someone just happened to put an *oning...auning...awning???? - good grief* you know what I mean - over it and it became a popcorn shop. It's as wide as the door and that's about it. :)

This little wine shop always seems to be full of people in the evening tasting different wines and looking very sophisticated. :)

And here is Suzette's Creperie...haven't been there yet, but it's definitely on my list. From what I can tell they have authentic French food...crepes, Croque Monsieurs, and such *yum!* They set up a booth at the French Market on Saturday mornings downtown and make fresh crepes for people and sell fresh croissants as people peruse around the market. :) OH...and apparently they have Jazz bands there fairly often in the evenings. AWESOME.

And speaking of Jazz...last Thursday night Scott and I checked out the Thursday night Wheaton Municipal Concert in Memorial Park. So supposedly it was a summer long thing...each Thursday night the city would bring in a different band/orchestra/some form of entertainment. We happened to catch the last one last Thursday night and the Wheaton Jazz Band played. We went with our new friend Keila. Keila invited us to church last Sunday and we had her over for dinner the following Thursday and decided to go check out the concert together. It was a good time. :)

And here is a silly video that I tried to take of the band...but it didn't turn out so well because we were talking in the background. *lol*

So, that was our week last week and our day today. :) Oh, we did visit a new church today...believe it or not I found and advert for it on Facebook and thought it looked like one worth checking out. So Scott, me, and our friend Hannah and her 19month old Cooper went this morning. We really enjoyed the service. The three of us got there about 40 minutes early though due to false advertising on their website...which wasn't a huge deal. There was this fantastic little coffee/breakfast shop across the street and we went over for a breakfast muffin and Scott and I were able to have a nice chat with Hannah. :) I think we'll definitely visit it again, we think it's really important to get involved with a church and we don't want to take too long looking around for one. Not sure exactly what we'll do next week - I do know that I'm super excited about Mom, Dad, & Shea coming to visit us for the weekend! YAY!!! :)

Now, it's time to go pass out some muffins! :)